I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she peed on how many people?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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