On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i barfeds in our rink
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
