Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
