There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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