no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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