im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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