my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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