My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I could fuck to npr.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
