Sponge bath it is.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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