you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
