You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
