I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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