in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
