I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
