are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We need a shit load of segways right now
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
