oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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