Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
