All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
