Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
