3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
we should paint friendship bongs
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