3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
