Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
