i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
we should paint friendship bongs
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
