I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
ok first of all what the fuck
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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