She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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