just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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