Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just forgot I was standing up.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
