How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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