I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
