Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Can you repeat that, but with context?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
