oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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