He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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