I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
