I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
