Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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