so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
