drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
