Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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