He is such a slut. More and more my type.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
