and you said cock pushups were impossible
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
