Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
