He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
