I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
