Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
