At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
