I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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