So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
