So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
