He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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