i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
