I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
